Show No Mercy, Maya

Welcome back to the pathetic blog that is my life. I'm here right now to ultimately give up on everything reguading people. People, people, people. I can't take it no more. My friends will never be the same as we used to be. My family is a hopeless wreck. Shawn will get back together with his ex-girlfriend and my mom and me, will be my mom and me. I want my friends back. My old friends from school, that horrible girl who I messed with pretty hard yesterday, I just want her to disappear from my life. My actual friends? Well I'm finished with them. I know Lucas loves me, even if it's just as a friend, he just doesn't show it. And Farkle, well he can't show it. And don't get me started with Riley. She and I will only be the same (GMW/The MayaLife) on TV and in my dreams. They only care about me when it's in their best interest. They only hold my hand, stand by me, are positive towards me when it's in their best interest, when there's something more than being my friend in it for them. My entire social life is based off of what people can use me for. They don't care about me because I'm me. Nobody cares that I love my friends with all my heart because they're my friends and they're just them. That doesn't matter anymore, were not the same people we were on TV and we will never be again. It's horrific. I'm finished with them. I'll attempt to maybe get back in with my old friends for some comfort but I'm doubting it'll actually happen. I'm gonna repeat "I don't care" in my head as many times as it takes to convince myself that I don't need my "friends" to be happy. Maybe I'll find best friendship in Sarah possibly. She's with Darby, which might cause my plan to blow up once agai, but it's worth a dang shot, I've got not a thing to lose here no more. I just want Lucas. He's the only one who's sincerely convinced me to believe he cares about me at any given time in the past week or two. Everyone else, I never bought their cheap act. So I'm done taking being used as friendship. I'm not that low, in not that desperate and I ain't gonna take no more. I'm not gonna pretend to be friends because of anything were doing for you, because I'm not being used. I'm done with that and they've got no choice but to accept it. Nothing were doing any day will make me act like everything is okay just to come back home and it be like I was used for their own happiness on some damn trip. I'm done, unless it's real, I ain't faking happiness and friendship anymore. Maya Hart doesn't let people use her, and I ain't letting this go any further. Done done done. Enough said.