Oh I'll Tell Ya What You Did

Hey look, it's you, you're still here. Even though that is a little pathetic, I'd like to say thank you, for being pathetic with me. I really appreciate it. So anyway, enjoy this depressing post of The 99 Problems of Maya Hart coming up in like two words or so..

As I've mentioned on one of my last posts, I have this thing where the things I think or see reguading the way my friends used to be, makes me angry and I randomly begin to hate them all. So they have the guts to ask what they did (I think it's more obvious than existence itself) and so this is for them and those who REALLY wanna know what they did wrong. Because oh they did something wrong alright. Just you wait..

Well let's start with my favourite, like for real, no sarcasm there. Farkle Minkus. I know you were expecting that and yeah, I do like him better than the other two life ruiners. So Farkle. What did he do, I wonder. Actually I know, you wonder. Well this is for Farkle in particular but would apply to anyone else if they were like him. This isn't just about how people are to me, it's about how they are in general and that's the problem with Farkle. He's a good friend to me. He's there for me, he has meaningful conversations with me and tries to help me when something is hurting me. I'm guessing you aren't seeing the problem yet unless you're one of those jerks who are included in this "friend group" we've got going and when I say going, I literally mean going. Going away! So anyway, Farkle. That's what we were talking about. He's good to me and I don't find that as much of a problem but there are people who do so it is to be addressed. Farkle is so nice to me, cares so much about me because he's forced to. He doesn't have much choice of a choice considering he feels the same exact way about (blech) Riley and Lucas. He has nobody else, neither do I. He has no choice but to care about me and help me because nobody else does. It used to be the four of us. Now that me and Farkle are all that's left that actually cares, we have to provide each other with double the support we used to be considering we lost two of our most important support systems. It's us against them. And this is the worst case scenario when it comes to groups. Farkle and I never held a soft spot for each other like we did Riley and Lucas. Farkle thinks of Lucas, how I think of Riley. And he thinks of Riley how I think of Lucas. Get it? Whether you get it or not, it makes sense, so hush. Anywho, Farkle is too focused on me as I am him so that's the problem with him. We're too together and it's not supposed to be that way. 

Ahh, now it comes to one of my least favourites of all, Lucas. I've got a thing or two to say about Lucas. Well first of all, like Farkle and I, all Lucas and Riley focus on is each other but it's not like Farkle and I at all actually. We both care about them, Farkle and I. Either of us will be there for either of them. But they ultimately chose to make us mad by going to each other when they actually HAVE a choice. They know we care far more than they do, I've said it several times. If they actually haven't realized that by now, they are the dumbest people to walk planet earth. Or any planet for that matter. Lucas only cares about Riley. I have much examples of proof that prove everything. Here's one: Riley stops smiling for half a second and he asks her what's wrong like someone just killed her entire family. And when I'm maybe bawling my eyes out, cutting my arm, jumping suicidally into pools in which I cannot swim, experiencing crazy mood swings and mind changes and he doesn't notice at all. Or he just doesn't care. Either of those work. So he doesn't care about me like he does Riley and that'll never change. And I've taken the initiative to realize that any time he questions or responds to anything I do, he's just trying to look like he cares a little bit, when I'm smart enough to realize I don't actually matter much to him at all. So that's why I'm so upset with Lucas. And not only is he hurting me, but he abandoned Farkle when he needed him. I know that because I'm now forced to act like Farkle's best friend and give him all the guy advice he needs, which for the record I'm doing an absolute terrible job at because I'm a girl! Farkle misses his best friend and might be just as hurt by Lucas as I am. I haven't taken they chance to realize how upset Farkle really is, and maybe I need to start being more aware of the fact that he's hurting too and not make our conversations all about me. So why do I hate Lucas? That's exactly why. I mean I can appreciate the fact that he doesn't like me back, fine. But I'd be much appreciative if he wouldn't randomly be nice to me a little bit than go and worship the ground Riley walks on. If you like me, awesome, maybe start acting like it and care about me when I'm hurt or scared and not just Riley. And if you don't like me, leave me the hell alone completely and do not make me feel there's a chance that you do. And if Lucas don't like me, I'd seriously appreciate it if Riley would stop trying to get Farkle away from me to be with her and have him leave me all alone. Because that's not fair, Farkle is all I have and if she's gonna steal Lucas' attention, don't take the only person I have. Because unless I'm satisfied too, Farkle ain't gonna be leaving me for her unless I have somewhere to go or someone to go to. I'm sick and tired and I'm done with this unequality in these damn romantic relationships. I'm kinda terrified to put that out there, but it needs to be said, so I'm saying it.

And then there's the last person I wanna talk about right now, Riley. My god, why am I even getting this started? She is the hell I haven't yet been to. Being with her, I feel like I'm already in hell. And I'm not even dead yet. Which reminds me, she also makes me feel like I'm dead. I wish I was dead actually. She is the farthest person from normal. Lucas is much better than she is. Let's say normal is here in New York and she is all the way in another damn galaxy. That's how far from normal she is. Especially with me. Our relationship is like we're sisters who are forced to be together and we dread every second of it. She's rude to me, she doesn't care about me at all! And I know that because she specifically said she doesn't cara about me at all! All she cares about is Farkle, her crush, her other friends from school and her hamster. That is IT! It doesn't go beyond that. And she doesn't even care about Farkle that much, to the point where he's crying to me about her. So yes, she's also hurting both me AND Farkle, just like Lucas. Farkle loves her more than she loves him, not to say she doesn't love him because I believe there's a part of her that does. But me, hell to the no. She'd cry harder if her hamster died than if I died and I'm LITERALLY LEGIT about that one. Not over-exaggerating or anything like that. She doesn't have any meaningful conversations with me and is always annoyed with me and doesn't want to be with me. Just like Lucas, she completely ignores me when I'm suffering and I've tried to apologize to her one time and she pushed me away harder than Miley rode that wrecking ball. After being rejected by her, I've never been the same and will never have the guts to apologize to her in any future fight again. I'm the last thing she cares about and I'm tired of being pushed away by her. I run away and she tweets that her mom went to find me and she's worried about her mom. Nice. Real nice. I'd prefer not to talk to her at all than to feel like there's any chance at all that we'll be normal for 5 stinking minutes. I'd rather have no relationship with her at all than the splitsville best friendship we are having right now. I hate the feeling of growing apart and I'd prefer to be completely apart than growing apart because that hurts so much more. I've always wanted to say this stuff but have never had the guts to. I'm probably going to be crying to Shawn or Farkle tonight considering they're the only two left who care and listen to a word I say. I do believe in something. I believe that this friend group that was supposed to be so strong isn't at all anymore. I'd rather it just end than continue to hurt. I'll get over it in a few years, no big deal. So that's why I'm hating on all those people, so for future reference, it's not random and it's not for no reason. It's always been the same reason. It'll always be the reason for my mood swings and mind changes. Now you know.