So, last night was very painful. Not literally, but it was very emotionally painful. Riley said she was long tired of being my friend when I said I was getting tired of not getting a kiwi. (Forget the kiwi thing, it is just what happened, it's not important). So, I said "I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but even I'm getting tired of this" and she said "Oh, you thimk I'm not?!" I stood there looking at her, trying not to cry. Then I turned and ran upstairs to shower. Then when I got out, I was so mad that I decided to actually do my homework with Farkle, to make her mad. I would've considered not doing the homework at all, since in the episodes, I don't do it anyway. But, Riley made me mad and upset at the same time, so I decided I will just to make her mad. So, anyway past that. So, then she ignored me for a while and when me and Farkle got done my homework, we went and viewed her latest blog post, saying she's giving up on us and doesn't want to be our friend anymore. I was broken inside and I was about to cry. I shut the computer and said "Come on, Farkle, were going to bed" and I got up and turned off the TV and went downstairs. Farkle followed me asking "Where can I sleep?" and I replied "In a sleeping bag on the floor," he sighed. So, then when we got down there. I sat on the edge of my bed and started crying. "It's okay" Farkle said. "No it isn't, Farkle" I replied crying. "I can't do this, I can't do it alone!" I began to cry harder when Riley came down and got on Auggie's pull-out puny bed and went under her blankets. I explained everything to Farkle, crying and saying how I couldn't do it alone. Then I began to cry harder. Then I saw a shadow that looked just like Belle, the disney princess and every now and again, we'd be able to see her shadow from Riley's DS light. So, I kept saying "Belle!" through crying and laughing, but crying so hard. Then adventually, both me and Farkle stopped crying too hard, it was dying down.
I told him a story about from when I was 3 years old. I still slept in a crib, like a ligit craddle because my mom didn't care to buy me a new bed until I was 4 years old. So, when I was 3 years old, every night around 10:30pm - 11:00pm, in between there, my mom would pick me up, not saying a word and take me into my room. She set me in my crib in the dark and walked out, shutting the door behind her. I sat in my little crib, crying my 3-year-old eyes out. I hugged Oatmeal Bear who I didn't name until a year after I could talk properly, 5 years old is when I named him, 4 years old is when I learned to talk properly. So, I hugged Oatmeal Bear and I stood up in my crib, in my baby yellow footie pyjamas and I put my tiny hands on the edge of the crib and looked out the window above my crib. I could see the stars and the night sky and I could see the roof part of my neighbours house who lived across the street. I cried looking out that window thinking "Why are you so mean to me?" I don't know who I was thinking it to, my mom, God, my dad. One of them, or maybe all of them. I then turned around and stood in my crib, facing my back to the windown crying. I slowly sat down and cried harder and harder until I laid down and cried myself to sleep. Every night, at 3 years old and it went on until I was 6 and a half years old. When I met Riley and she changed my life and made it so much better. When I was 4 years old, I got out of that crib and I had a little bed. When I was 5 years old, I wrote a little song one night called "Mommy, don't you love me?" and I sang it every night. Usually, I sang it and near the end, I began crying and when I finished the song, I laid down crying and fell asleep, I cried myself to sleep. It wasn't until I was 6 and a half that stopped happening.
Farkle felt awful, he said that was jeapordizing and he doesn't remember when he was that little, he said something about pants, but I'm not really sure what. So, also I stopped crying myself to sleep at 6 and a half, and then when I went through the dramatizing stage at 8 years old, I began crying myself to sleep again for the first 3/4 of being 8 years old. Months before my 9th Birthday, I fell asleep normally again. Then last night was the first time since I was 8, the first time in 5 years, I cried myself to sleep again. Once in 5 years...
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