The Care That Never Left

It's Maya on The 99 Problems of Maya Hart, here to follow up on one of the topics from my previous post. As you all know, my past post "Maya's Lucked Out Chances" I wrote about the 9 happy ironic coincadences that have happened to me in the past 24 hours. So, one of them was that I got over this whole Lucas thing situation ma-bob. Well, also on that topic was that Riley wanted me to care about her again and make her my main focus again and "Be sad if I'm not with her, not Lucas" is what she said this morning, on the way to school. Well, to follow up on that I thought it would be very hard for me to drop this all and just go back to a previous life. I did, truly. I thought it would take some time. But, it really only took 12-14 hours. I mean, not with Lucas and all, I mean I could care about that if I wanted to. But of course I wouldn't do that. In August, I loved it when Riley was there for me and I was there for her. It made me so happy that every night when Brooklyn and them took their battle axes and....Okay, that was just a metaphor. Battle axes!? Yeah, a metaphor. So, when they made Riley feel bad, we always slept in the basement of her house on matresses on the floor (because it was too hot to sleep upstairs) and she cried to me about it. She wanted me to be there for her. She didn't need anyone else, she didn't want anyone else. She cried to me and needed me. Then September came along and her and Farkles started focusing on each other and each other only. For the first 3/4 of September I was focused on Riley, while she turned her back to me and focused on Farkle, who was also focused on her. So, I was waiting for someone, who was waiting for someone else. So, adventually I clued it and decided to go chasing someone else. So, I went to Lucas and he was my Farkle. It was all going well, Riley and Farkle, Me and Lucas, it was all fine. Then the fighting broke out and me and Lucas were hardly ever getting along. So, then Riley and Farkle kept going along and Lucas left me out to dry, so I was miserable for the past week or two. Then today Riley said she wanted me to focus on her again and not Lucas, which was easier than it was 3 weeks ago because Lucas didn't completely isolate me from the picture like he does now, if we are even on speaking terms. So, part of me still wanted to go with Lucas, and the other part of me told me to listen to Riley. So all day I thought about it and realized, I cared about her more all along. I remembered those rare little moments when it was her and Farkle, me and Lucas. I remember the moments she was with me, momentarily and I realized how happy that made me. This morning, when she followed me around the house all morning. When she went wherever I went. When she grabbed onto me and held on. When us and the boys are in Auggie's bed, she hugged me. When we were immitating our school teachers singing "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor. I thought back to how I felt during those moments, and I realized how happy they made me, that she sincerly wanted me. I still cared about her more and I never knew it. I never realized that what she did made me happier than what Lucas did (partly because Lucas barely did nothin' but I mean in the beginning, when he did). I never realized how happy it made me and I never realized how much I cared. I thought I cared about Lucas more, I thought his opinions mattered more to me, when really, that was a mis-lead belief that was hiding behind some false blockage. I never knew that until today in school...Maybe people don't always know how they feel. Maybe people are sometimes unaware about what they really care about, and can't find their emotions. Well, I guess that Hayley's coming in 3 or so hours, I'd better get going, considering Mrs. Matthews said "Okay, that's enough, Maya" and I have to get off now anyway, so check back on The 99 Problems of Maya Hart again soon, I'll be here (or with Hayley, either way, I'll be back).