This was originally a blog page, I published on April 26th 2015 right after I came back from camp. This is the detailed and full story about the crush I've been going on about for those of you who know me on Google+ so enjoy!
Hey Blog Pagers! I know I haven't written one of these since February 4th, when I wrote about the secret of the ring that Shawn gave me. I'm pretty sure most of you have read that and if you haven't and want to, just comment on this page or if you have access to me on Google+ you can ask me to share it with you. Okay anyway, as most of you probably know, blog pages are not visible publically on my blog and can only be viewed by those I share it with. Well what's the point in making a page private? Well I write all my deepest darkest secrets on here and only share it with people I know would never ever share it anywhere else. So if you are reading this because I shared it with you, it means I trust you very very much. So I just want to make note of this, I may never ever share this with anyone ever because it just may be the darkest secret I've ever written on here. It's not that what it is about is the biggest thing ever, it's just if anyone I don't want to find out, finds out, it'll become the biggest thing ever and I'll be so embarrassed that I'll never be able to show my face around some people ever again. So anyway, let's get to the point after a long lecture on the point of pages and deep dark secrets shared with those I trust. So as most of you know, I went to a weekend camp this past friday. Okay, because these pages don't have dates on them like posts do, I'll tell you the date of this one here. Writing this today, it's Sunday, April 26th 2015 and it's 3:56pm. I got home from weekend camp at 2:00pm. So anyway, on this weekend camp I found out that I was in the same cabin as Riley and we slept on the top bunks across the room from each other. So then we were so happy and so excited that we would get to spend most of our time together. It was going to be the best weekend ever. Then I started connecting and meeting other people, and Riley did too. Except, she never met a certain person that was so close to her compared to everyone else she'd spoken to. Mine, was a girl named Kelsey. She is 13 years old and was not in my cabin. So I didn't see her as often as I would've if she were in my cabin. We spent alot of time together and acted like best friends. She always went on about how she wished we were in the same cabin and how I was so pretty. Sometimes talking to her felt like I was talking to my fans online, like you guys. She almost worshipped the ground I walked on. She said I was like her sister and we even mastered hand games together too. Riley, as I could see, felt betrayed and I really wanted to go help her out, but Kelsey was dragging me away from her. She was very attached and always was at my side, anytime she could be. All through Friday, the first day we were at camp, I was with Riley and we had a great time. Saturday morning at breakfast I met Kelsey. Then for the majority of the time following, it was just Kelsey and Maya. Meanwhile, Jax met this little 10-year-old boy who's last name was legitamately Swagger. No joke. He was the youngest of 3 sibblings. He had an older brother who was 14 and had a romance with another girl in Jax's cabin. Also, he had an older sister who was 12 in Jax's cabin. So Jax called the 10-year-old, who's name was really Ryder, she called him "Little Swagger" and his sister, Peyton "Medidum Swagger" and their brother Max "Big Swagger" and those nicknames floated around the camp. Jax was always hanging out with Little Swagger and I was always with Kelsey, while Riley was being jealous of her. Riley would always complain and cry for me to come back to her, but Kelsey just pulled me away. Kelsey had well knowledge that Riley was at this camp, she was my best friend and she was in my cabin. That's really how it rolled all day Saturday. Jax and Little Swagger, Me and Kelsey and jealous Riley watching from a distance. Then it came the hockey game that we all watched on the big screen in the lodge of the camp. It was epic and I had both Kelsey and Riley beside me. They were both on one side of me. The game was amazing. Then at the end of the night, once the game was over, we all went down to the firepit to make smores. You all know the story at this point and the twist at the end, you'll have NEVER seen coming. If you ACTUALLYsaw it coming, comment down below because seriously, it's wickedly unexpected. Anyway, so I was down at the firepit and I've never made smores before. I was roasting marshmallows and making smores and mine all turned out to taste like cardboard. It was disgusting! Every single one I made tasted that way! So anyway, then I went to talk to Riley and when I went up to her and started talking, she stared at me with no emotion whatsoever. Then once I fnished, she stared at me for a couple more seconds and then she just walked away. Everytime I tried to talk to her, she walked away and gave me the silent treatment. I saw Jax and Little Swagger hanging out and I ran to talk to them. "Jax, Riley's not talking to me and I don't know why!" I cried and I had tears in my eyes. In the dark, Jax couldn't see that. She really seemed to be trying to get away from me and be alone with Little Swagger. So adventually, I gave up on trying to get her attention to help me. I didn't understand why I kept going over there and trying to gain their attention to help me. I really didn't know why. So then I went to find Kelsey. "Kelsey, Riley's ignoring me and I don't know why!" I cried. "Well it's probably because she thinks that I'm stealing you from her and she's mad about that" Kelsey explained. "Well I'm allowed to have other friends" I stated. "She'll probably talk to you tomorrow, and if she doesn't, I don't know what to do then" Kelsey remarked stuffing a smore in her mouth and walking away. "Stupid cardboard smore" I said to myself. "I can make you a perfect smore!" I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. I looked back and saw the cute little face of Little Swagger standing behind me. "Oh sure" I smiled. He took some marshmallows and started roasting them. Jax followed him around and watched him. "So your name is legitamately Swagger?" I asked him. "My last name, yeah" he smiled. "How did you not know that?" he asked. "Well I don't really know you" I replied. "Well I know you" he said. "What the heck?!" I thought. "Do you know my name?" I asked. "I never really knew your name, but we used to hangout a lot" he said. "I met you here 2 years ago and we hung out all the time" he said. "I think I would've remembered that" I said to myself, but went along with it anyway, he's 10 I've gotta give the kid a break. Then again, he did look somewhat familiar and I have a 5-minute memory, so it just might be true. Once he was finished, he gave me it and it tasted 10 times better than mine. "Thanks, this is great!" I smiled. So then I sat alone, eating my smore and wondering if Kelsey was right about Riley. She seemed like she knew that from the moment her and Riley met. Then I watched Jax and Little Swagger wander around the campfire alone in the dark and I don't really know why, but I really wanted to go join them, so I did. I went and tried to engage with them, but Jax seemed like she wanted me out the whole time. Little Swagger sang a song that he wrote and he's an amazing singer and songwritter and I was impressed. He's 10 years old and got skill! So then Jax ended up getting rid of me and I sat back down by myself. Then I saw Medium Swagger (Peyton, Little Swagger's 12-year-old sister) walk up to Jax and Little Swagger. "This is not happening!" She said about the two of them hooking up or whatever. I looked back and laughed but at the same time, it made me uneasy. Just then I saw Medium Swagger in front of me. "Do you know her?" she asked pointing to Jax. "Yeah!" I smiled. I was kinda happy to be talking to her, she always seemed so...I don't know. I just felt lucky to talk to her, like she'd never talk to me. "Can you make sure that "that" won't happen" she said motioning to Jax and Little Swagger. "Sure!" I smiled. I went up to Jax and Little Swagger and looked at Jax. "I need to talk to you" I said. "No, I'm with Little Swagger!" she denied. "No, like seriously" I said pulling her. She actually surprisingly participated with me. I took her just outside the campfire area. "Okay, Peyton told me that you and Little Swagger, nuh uh, not happening" I said. Jax smiled and laughed, "we're not!" she laughed. "Good, better not be" I said. Medium Swagger was talking to Little Swagger, when we came back. Medium Swagger and I both took off to our own places, when I saw Little Swagger and Jax join up again. I don't know why, I didn't understand but I hated watching them. "Maybe I miss Riley or something" I thought. "Watching Jax with someone else makes me jealous that I lost a friend" I guessed. So then by the end of the night, I was with Jax and Little Swagger here and there and it was kinda fun until Jax booted me out, most of the time. I hated it. I had no idea what I was thinking. Then after the campfire was unlit and everyone was going back to bed, I followed Jax and Little Swagger down by the boys' cabins. Kelsey came with and took me back to my cabin. I don't know why it got to me so much. "I don't even like Jax that much, just like she doesn't really care for me" I said in my head. "I don't care if she makes other friends, she should" I added to my thought. "Well then what is it?" I asked myself repeatedly. Once Kelsey was at her cabin, I was walking alone to mine and kept thinking and thinking on what my problem is. Jax seemed very emotionally attached to Little Swagger. I tried to figure this out, many many times before I really got it. Little Swagger was such a cute little kid and ever since I met him (apparently 2 years ago). "Maybe I'm jealous of Jax with Little Swagger" I thought. That was totally crazy I realized. (Didn't see that coming, did ya?) Jax didn't like him romantically (for what she said) but had some like cute little emotional attachment relationship with him and maybe I was jealous of that. I remember being at the camp years ago and seeing him for the first time and maybe I did know him. "Maybe I just want that relationship with Little Swagger" I thought. I went to bed when I got to my cabin and thought about it for 20 minutes straight, realizing that was likely the scenario. I was so jealous of Jax and Little Swagger, it made me nuts. I suddenly realized how Riley felt. Jealousy is crazy weird and one of the most painful forms of loss-of-love you'll ever feel. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I heard Riley's voice ask our leader in the middle of the night. "Yep" she said. Riley got down and went to the bathroom. I decided to follow her and make it right, so that's what I did. I walked into the bathroom and saw Riley's little slippers in the stall. "Riley?" I asked. "What?" she said miserably, realizing who it was calling her name. "I'm sorry" I said. "Sure, whatever" she said, I could hear in her voice, she was almost about to cry. "No really. I know how you feel, being jealous of someone like that" I said almost crying. She peeped her head out of the stall and pulled me in. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Well Jax has developed this emotional attachment and this really interesting relationship with this little kid, who's 10 years old but he doens't look 10 at all" I said. "And I don't know, I want that relationship with him too but she won't let me. He claimed he knew me years ago and I did remember in the end and I don't know" I said, almost crying. Riley pulled me in and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry, Maya" she cried. "Me too" I cried into her shoulder. We stood and hugged each other for a while. "C'mon. You want me to sleep with you?" she asked. I nodded, wiping the tears in my eyes. We went upstairs to our cabin and got in my bed. She hugged me and let me suck on my leftover candy ring until I fell asleep. She felt better, because I was back with her and promised to not make her jealous with Kelsey anymore. She felt better, but I didn't at all. I knew that tomorrow, it would be Jax and Little Swagger again and it just broke my heart. I cried and sucked on my candy ring until I fell asleep. In the morning, Riley took my candy ring and it was back on my shelf when I woke up. After getting ready, Riley asked if I was okay and I responded with the fact that I was always okay. Then at breakfast, I saw both Little Swagger and Jax, not at the same table. I was relieved and just watched Little Swagger for half of my lunchtime. Then after, it was time to do sing and dance to crazy songs, then super slow ones where you wrap your arms around everyone in a big chain of people. Then during that, I danced with all the girls and Little Swagger's group was right beside mine. Then during the slow song, we almost had to be beside each other (in the middle of other people). But then his sister Medium Swagger split us up, and I could tell she was suspicious. So then when she left the group for some odd reason, I decided not to join our group with Little Swagger's group, just because I felt like Medium Swagger was testing me. She was really protective any time her brother had the slighest bit of romance with anyone. So then after that, once it was over, we just sat beside each other listening to the message. Then after, he was back all hooked up with Jax again. Ugh, hated it. So then Riley came and comforted me. So it was soon time to go home and I was kinda disappointed that it would all be over sooner than I thought and I'd never see Little Swagger again. I know I'd see him for this November when school year camps come around again. But I doubt we will be in the same week of summer camp. So not counting on that. I was very upset for it to be over, that I'd never see him for almost over half a year but at the same time, I was happy that the him-Jax thing was possibly never happening again or at the least, not for 7 months. It was an unfortunate and fortunate thing at the same time. Jealousy holds so much power and it's hard to stand by that. Well I'm sad and glad that it is over now and maybe if I just spend time with my friends again, and if that won't work, I'll start up that romance-abuse thing with Lucas again just to get my mind off Little Swagger. Well anyway, crazy experience! Like maybe the most unexpected, twisted experience I've ever been in, but it's over for at least 7 months so that'll be enough time to recover. If you actually saw that coming, then comment down below and say it and DO NOT lie because I really hate liars. If you had no idea until I said it, that's okay I love you anyway! Thanks for reading The 99 Problems of Maya Hart's Page and be sure to check back again soon!
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