The Instant Feeling of Life to Death

So, first thing I have to say is sorry for being all smart and all, in my last couple posts. I was doing it in real life as well. I thought I should make myself better by making me girly, not mean like I am and smart, not like I am. So, I thought I would be better nice and smart, so I decided to go researching to be smart. So, that happened. But I am back to normal again. Although, it seems weird because I only feel worse than I did before I became all smart and all. So, last night. Remember what I told you on my past post? I know it didn't make much sense to a lot of you, but I said that everyone was staying overnight and that did happened. It was me, Riley, Lucas, Farkle, Ava, Auggie, Ben and Angela. Auggie, Ava, Ben and Angela all slept on the top bunk. Then I had to sleep with Lucas, Riley and Farkle. I was sooo terrified, I accidently kicked Riley in the head too hard, freaking out. She and I made up and oddly, our friendship is better than it was before the fight. Maybe that was God's point of it. Trama brings two people closer? I don't know, but we are better now. So, Farkle apologized to Riley and he was truly sorry and Riley admired that and decided to accept his apology. Riley also admired the fact that Farkle knew for sure that she actually wanted to be with her (in a physical way) and she was happy about that. Lucas and me made up too. Riley and Farkle did a weird version of their normal routine, but it wasn't like weirder like more intense, but like different and lasted at most 2 minutes everytime they did it, but they did it multiple times. Then Farkle and me made a plan to see if they (as in Riley and Lucas) really cared, so we pretended that Farkle did something to me (not that bad honestly) and see'd if they cared. So, what happened with that? Riley bursted into tears and cried on me, when I kicked the boys out to talk to her alone. Then Farkle knew she truly cared and he was secure for the rest of the time. We told them it was a test and Riley was way better knowing that. Then Lucas was like honestly killing me, I knew I would lack focus today in school because of what he did to me. Honestly,  knew it would be good lacking though, because these past 3 days I have been lacking focus thinking of things I cannot have. But I would've been lacking focus thinking of things I can have and I wouldn't mind lacking focus. So, stupid Lucas and his stupid good doings put me to sleep and I fell asleep for a while. Then during that time I was sleeping, it was like perfect life, I fell asleep so happily and then from that, instantly to the most painful death you could imagine. I woke up to Farkle kicking me and I was like "What the heck!" in my head. "What are you doing?" I asked miserably to Farkle. "Oh, I thought you'd be happy waking up, considering how you fell asleep" he said. "I would've been, but you kicked me and ruined that, so what do you want?" I asked Farkle, madly. He nudged towards Riley and Lucas who were holding hands! Farkle and me both devistated. They quickly let go. "We aren't doing anything" Lucas said. "Maya, they were. Who do you believe?" Farkle asked. "I don't believe anyone" I said after many moments of silence. "Why?" Farkle said. "I don't have to...because I saw it happen" I said turning away and crying. "Great, now Maya's ACTUALLY crying" Farkle said crying. Riley started crying and apologizing to Farkle. He forgave her because he knows she really wants to be with him and she isn't doing it because she has to. So, then I began crying and only Riley cared. Oh, I forgot. We each got assigned a little kid, because there are 4 little kids and 4 big kids. Riley got Auggie, I got Angela, Lucas got Ben and poor Farkle got Ava. So, I went up to the top bunk crying. "Oh come on, Maya, don't leave" Farkle said. I ignored his remark and went up and woke up Angela and took her down with me. I held her on me and cried. She told me exactly what I've always wanted everyone to hear. "My mom says if someone is crying, you should ask if they are okay and talk about it with them, unless they say they don't wanna talk about it" little Angela said, very wisely. I nodded my head, more thankful for that than it looked. I showed her all the pictures on my DS. Then we went to bed and I held Angela all night and I woke up with her too. I know God was helping me because I didn't instantly fall asleep last night, but he prevented me from thinking of what Lucas did to me, followed by what he did with Riley and how that situation combines. What I do know now, is I will be the most upset girl in school today. I won't focus, only on crying. So, don't be surprised if I tell you every period, I went crying in the bathroom. Check back again soon on The 99 Problems of Maya Hart.