The Little Moments That Ruined A Whole Awful Lot

Hey Blogger, so I guess you haven't heard this in a while, mostly because I haven't been online and haven't been able to cry to you about it. So my new friend Jax often pleases me whenever I see her for the first time in a while. And during that while I wasn't with her, I was with Riley. Or should I say stuck with Riley. Lucas always tells me that she's doing better, that she's trying and she ain't the problem. And yeah, she isn't the problem, but she's a problem. Just because she plays it perfectly on purpose during Truth or Dare every night, doesn't mean that little portion affects her whole visibility. I don't see her as that, at all like 80% of the time. On the bright side, she's made a comeback by 20% and is 20% less bad than she was before, when she ranked the impossible 100% bad. So everyday after school and about until 4pm, I have to be with her. Can I say, her problem and her main problem over being ab-normal is her negativity. OH MY GOSH, I could die!! She is sooooo negative, Zack and Bailey negative and I'm downright tired of it!! I was literally this close to tears when I saw Jax one day after Riley left, I hugged her in happiness to see her and mostly in happiness of NOT seeing Riley. Then every single day, she's still got the voice problem and then she makes her stupid voice sound even stupider by talking negative in it. She kills me! I can't take it, she can't be normal for over a ding dang hour! Everyone else wins, when I let this all slide. Everyone I loved and cared about and affected me hugely, does something wrong, hates me, leaves and then everyone expects me to act happy, like nothing's bothering me and like nothing ever happened and "nobody's doing anything wrong" just might be the problem. I'm pretty sure I just quoted in the quotation marks back there, at least 3 people. Farkle, Lucas, Riley and Jax. So 4, huh how ironic, the number of people who don't understand me has increased. So that's my problem, everyone I care about, everyone from my show does something wrong and then everyone who isn't from my show, expects me to be all cheery around them and everything's gonna be okay, my problems aside. Well they are always aside and I'm downright sick of everyone else winning because me being upset over people who hurt me and left, is a problem because I am "taking it out on them" (Just quoted both Jax and Riley) and I shouldn't be sad and take it out on the only people who are ever there. If I can't take it out on the only people who are there every second of everyday, I am supposed to become silent about the things that matter to me. If I am not allowed to be upset around everyone who's with me everyday, they expect me to act like nothing has happened and I'm supposed to act like I'm all good. How can I act like I did in Girl Meets World, if my circumstances are nothing like they were then!? When I start getting treated like I did then, I'll start acting like it. Until then, I'm a free girl to act like whatever...oh and I bet you didn't see this coming...and whoever I want. I don't care if I'm not being normal and I'm being to similar and threatning to anyone because my image is gone because everything I had is gone. And if I don't have that, I have nothing to lose. I don't care if people see me as beyond ab-normal because we see Riley as beyond negative and well they are both main components to Maya's guide called "Be the Most Annoying Person to be Around in 3 Quick Steps!" and there will also be a sequel coming out soon. I know this because being around Riley has given me some pretty good ideas on how to write a whole 500 page book about people who are not what they appear to be, or have been for the past 6 years. And I don't care if people think I'm not normal anymore, because I don't act like it unless I get treated like it and plus, I was never proud of who I am, so why do I care if I've changed from being someone I'm not proud of? I wouldn't care and I don't care! So the main issue here is people I care about fight with me, walk out and I never see them again and then everyone else excpects me to act like nothing's happened and I shouldn't take it out on the people who I am with every second, thus not allowing me to ever act the way I feel. The other component, which is a lot shorter than the first one, is Riley's negativity. Those are the two main reasons I am writing this post and it stands, I meant every word of it. Thanks for reading and feel free to check back again soon, or don't. I don't care either way.